How to Communicate with Conservatives

Principles for liberals, to get what you want.

Background photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Preparing to Speak



The United States of America is a disgusting, selfish, systemically racist and sexist, capitalist stain on Mother Earth, and all of you are to blame for it, and we’re tired of this shit, so get the fuck out of our way or we’ll destroy you and your families.


Thank you, senator. We appreciate your willingness to engage us on this challenging topic. You raise some great points. And to the rest of the panel, we thank you all for being here.

To our Republican peers, we know how you feel about the sanctity of life, and we appreciate and respect your values in this regard. We also know that our values on this topic conflict with yours, and may even appear to some of you as immoral. However, we do not wish to make a moral argument today; indeed, although there are moral implications for any decision regarding abortion law, the problem of abortion itself is practical: hundreds of thousands of American women every year are having abortions. And as far as we can tell, the primary reason for this is, not because hundreds of thousands of American women are immoral, but because hundreds of thousands of American woman and their partners lack proper resources for family planning.

Data collected by the CDC demonstrates that unintended pregnancy is the primary contributor to abortions. This same data also suggests that women of lower socioeconomic status, or SES, tend to become unintentionally pregnant more than women of higher SES, and as such tend to have more abortions. And although the reasons for this are unclear, what is clear is that the rate of unintended pregnancies among women of low SES significantly decreases when such women are given access to family-planning resources (Dehlendorf et al., 2010; Amaral et al., 2007). As such, we have created a plan that (1) outlines empirically validated methods for effectively educating people in low SES communities about reproductive health, (2) includes a plan for providing reproductive healthcare benefits to low-income individuals and families, and (3) provides a budget for these aims.

We’d love to hear your input.

We believe, per the second amendment of our constitution, that the American people have the right to bear arms. We are aware of the conditions in which the second amendment was drafted, and we are grateful for the wisdom and foresight of our founding fathers in amending our constitution as such. However, we also believe that, in addition to the right to bear arms, the American people have the responsibility to bear arms responsibly. As such, we have drafted what to us are simple and reasonable firearms regulations, and we would love for you to review them. By working together on this issue, we can preserve the rights and freedoms of our people while ensuring that every home, school, and business in our country is safe.

We love our servicepeople. They protect us from harm, defend us from offense, and save us from circumstance. However, recent events have shaken our nation’s trust in our law enforcement; indeed, many of our people feel less protected by law enforcement than others, and, whether real or perceived, a large portion of these people believe that they are targeted by police for the color of their skin. That any American believes this makes us sad and ashamed, as such beliefs are inconsistent with our expectations of our servicepeople, and antithetical to our cultural values. Our gut response to this issue is to reduce funding for police, thus decreasing the overall number of police officers, and thus decreasing both the potential for and the actual number of incidents of police violence. However, we recognize that there may be other, better ways of solving this problem, and we would love to hear your ideas.



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Mitchell Ferrin

I write about writing and editing and also share occasional thoughts on things.