Line Edit: “Bright Star”

A line-by-line edit of a scene from the script.

Screenshot by the author; © 2009 by Pathe UK.

Original Text

EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAYFanny and Mr Brown cross the road onto the Heath, where Keats leads them down an AVENUE OF TREES, then across a FROST SCORCHED MEADOW to a COPSE of WINTER ELMS.No one speaks. There is gravity to Keats’s mood and an anger. Keats takes sidelong glances at Fanny.KEATS
I was away but 10 days Brown, with you encouraging me to stay on and get well. Now you send Miss Brawne a valentine card. Are you lovers, is that the truth?
Keats walks off again unable to stand still. Keats walks past Mr Brown.MR BROWN
No John...
KEATS
You sent a card Charles, you have the income to marry, where I cannot. Did you accept him Miss Brawne? Am I to congratulate you?
Mr Brown moves to Keats and by putting his back to Fanny talks privately.MR BROWN
John, easy, it was a jest.
KEATS
For whom? I do not laugh, Miss Brawne does not laugh.
MR BROWN
I wrote the valentine to amuse Fanny who makes a religion of flirting. I am simply smoking her so you may see who she is.
Mr Brown puts his arm about Keats. Keats pulls away.KEATS
You disgust me.
MR BROWN
John she is a poetry scholar one week and what, a military expert the next? It is a game, she collects suitors.
KEATS
You astound me...both of you. There is a holiness to the heart’s affections, know you nothing of that? Believe me it’s not pride, it hurts my heart.
Keats walks up to Fanny and stands in front of her.KEATS (cont’d)
Are you in love with Mr Brown? Why don’t you speak?
MR BROWN
She can’t speak because she only knows how to flirt and sew.
Fanny walks away, humiliated.MR BROWN (CALLING AFTER HER) (cont’d)
And read all Milton whose rhymes do not pounce because Miss Brawne there are none! There are one or two of her kind in every fashionable drawing room of this city “aheming” over skirt lengths.
A troubled Keats takes a moment or two to decide then runs after Fanny. Together they walk across the Heath.KEATS
I’m sorry. We could have a poetry lesson tomorrow.
Fanny turns to him, tears streaking her face.FANNY (AN IMPRESSIVE RAGE)
NO! NO! I want to dance and flirt and talk of flounces and ribbons and beading until I find my old happiness and humour.
Keats is impressed by her passion.

Line Edit

EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAYFanny and Mr Brown cross the road onto the Heath, where Keats leads them down an AVENUE OF TREES, then across a FROST SCORCHED MEADOW to a COPSE of WINTER ELMS.
No one speaks.
There is gravity to John’s mood and an anger.
John takes sidelong glances at Fanny.
JOHNI was away but 10 days Brown, with you encouraging me to stay on and get well.
Now you send Miss Brawne a valentine card.
Are you lovers, is that the truth?
John walks off again unable to stand still. John walks past Charles.
CHARLESNo John...
JOHNYou sent a card Charles, you have the income to marry, where I cannot.
Did you accept him Ms. Brawne?
Am I to congratulate you?Charles moves to John and by putting his back to Fanny talks privately.
CHARLESJohn, easy, it was a jest.
JOHNFor whom?I do not laugh, Ms. Brawne does not laugh.
CHARLESI wrote the valentine to amuse Fanny who makes a religion of flirting.
I am simply smoking her so you may see who she is.Charles puts his arm about John. John pulls away.
JOHNYou disgust me.CHARLESJohn she is a poetry scholar one week and what, a military expert the next?
It is a game, she collects suitors.
JOHNYou astound me...both of you.
There is a holiness to the heart’s affections, know you nothing of that?
Believe me it’s not pride, it hurts my heart.
John walks up to Fanny and stands in front of her.
JOHN (cont’d)
Are you in love with Mr Brown?
Why don’t you speak?CHARLESShe can’t speak because she only knows how to flirt and sew.
Fanny walks away, humiliated.
CHARLES (CALLING AFTER HER) (cont’d)
And read all Milton whose rhymes do not pounce because Ms. Brawne there are none!
There are one or two of her kind in every fashionable drawing room of this city “aheming” over skirt lengths.
A troubled John takes a moment or two to decide then runs after Fanny.
Together they walk across the Heath.
JOHNI’m sorry. We could have a poetry lesson tomorrow.Fanny turns to him, tears streaking her face.
FANNY (AN IMPRESSIVE RAGE)
NO! NO! I want to dance and flirt and talk of flounces and ribbons and beading until I find my old happiness and humour.
John is impressed by her passion.

Edited Text

EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAYFanny and Charles cross the road, onto the heath, where John leads them down an avenue of trees, then across a frost-scorched meadow to a copse of winter elms.JOHN
I was away but ten days, Charles, with you encouraging me to stay on and get well. Now you send Ms. Brawne a valentine. Are you lovers? Is this the truth?
CHARLES
No, John.
JOHN
You sent a valentine, Charles. You have the income to marry whereas I do not. Did you accept him, Ms. Brawne? Am I to congratulate you?
Charles puts his back to Fanny and talks privately with John.CHARLES
John, easy; it was a jest.
JOHN
For whom? I do not laugh; Ms. Brawne does not laugh.
CHARLES
I wrote the valentine to amuse Fanny, who makes a religion of flirting. I am simply smoking her so you may see who she is.
Charles puts an arm about John, but John pulls away.JOHN
You disgust me.
CHARLES
John, she is a poetry scholar one week and - what - a military expert the next? It is a game; she collects suitors.
JOHN
You astound me - both of you. There is a holiness to the heart’s affections, know you nothing of this? Believe me, it is not pride; it hurts my heart.
John walks to Fanny and stands in front of her.JOHN
Are you in love with Mr. Brown? Why don’t you speak?
CHARLES
She can’t speak, because she knows only how to flirt and sew.
Fanny runs away, humiliated.CHARLES (CONTD)
(calling after her)
And read all Milton, whose rhymes do not pounce, because, Ms. Brawne, there are none! There are one or two of her kind in every fashionable drawing room of this city, aheming over skirt lengths.
John runs after Fanny, and together they walk across the heath.JOHN
I’m sorry. We could have a poetry lesson tomorrow.
Fanny turns to him, in tears.FANNY
No. No! I want to dance and flirt and talk of flounces and ribbons and beading until I find my old happiness and humour.
John smiles, impressed by her resolve.

Editor, Designer | mitchellferrin.com

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